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Answers.com Trying Creative Writing Challenge

Answers.com is running a smart SEO contest that bloggers and webmasters can enter to win some money, or backlinks of your own. What they want you to do is write on your own blog or website a composition containing certain words of their choosing, linking those words to their respective page on Answers.com. It can be poetry, prose, fiction, essays or any other form of creative writing, under 750 words, and before July 31.

The words are:

ubiquitous
yo-yo
brown recluse spider
quixotic
abrogate
perfunctory
quid pro quo
Belize
for all intents and purposes
melissophobia

I love stretching myself, so I’m going to give this a shot. Top prize is a $100 Amazon gift certificate and link from Answers.com, second is a $50 gift certificate and a link, and third is just the link. Here’s my attempt at a story where each word is the name of a super hero, except the last one, which is the villain:

The Ubiquitous Man knew there was a problem.

He had sent his many selves to scour the city, looking for signs of criminal activity. With his Ubiquitous Power, which allowed him to be in many places at once, he could keep watch over Answers.com City from every angle, and several of his selves had reported hints that a great crime was afoot.

The only thing the Dictionary Dudes knew was that the threat was likely to come from a device in a tree somewhere. Yo-Yo Man came in handy here, using his power to fly upwards on a string and check the trees in the city for the device, but it was tedious work, and they had yet to locate the source of the danger.

The Brown Recluse Spider emerged from his Spider-car, slinking in the shadows. The most mysterious member of the D-Dudes, his dark disposition scared even the most powerful heroes. Today, he was exceptionally dour.

“This is a waste of time. We need to pay more attention to the clues,” he said.

Yes, he was the world’s greatest detective, but his endless supply of spider venom made the others keep far away. Only Quixotic boy, his wacky sidekick, dared approach.

The boy said, “I shall brave the danger and save the city! I’ll use my x-ray vision to examine the clues and solve the mystery!”

Sadly, the boy had no such ability, just an overactive desire to be heroic. That would not help them examine the clues, which were hidden by a spell that forced everyone to look away. That is, until Captain Abrogate arrived!

“Hiding spell, be gone!”

The captain’s powers allowed him to annul almost anything, and certainly the spells of their vile villain. The problem was, the first spell also hid a second spell, which paralyzed everyone in the Dictionary crew, sending them to their knees in tears, assaulting them with false emotions manufactured to destroy the heroes with extreme sadness.

Only one man was immune to the spell’s effects: Perfunctory Pete! His power, which allowed him to not care about anything, mostly made him good for little more than a little fun on a lonely Saturday night, but this time, it may have saved Answers.com City.

Pete brought the clues over to the Quid Pro Quo Kid, the young phenom who had gained the trust of the team. He activated QPQK’s powers, reversing the spell into the exact opposite of itself, thus making the entire team happy.

Finally able to focus on the clues, Belize, the leader and most powerful member of the group, got to work deciphering them. Using his many powers, drawn from the mythology and beliefs of the people of Belize, a Central American country, Belize drew on the abilities of Indian, African, Mayan and Garifuna to solve the mystery.

Still, there were many clues, and many permutations of them, and not enough time. The only solutions was to use the most dangerous power possessed by any member of the team, and bring this mission to its natural conclusion. Removing the lid from the jar, Belize unleashed the For All Intents And Purposes Genie, who used his time-warping abilities to allow Belize to solve the clues with ten minutes to spare.

The answer was obvious. The Dictionary Dudes spring into action, and with barely a minute left, shut down the robotic beehive and saved the city from certain annihilation by a swarm of millions of killer bees. They also managed to catch the man who had had started this entire caper, Professor Melissophobia.

“I would have brought all of Answers.com City to its knees, if not for you meddling Dictionary heroes!” the psychotic madman exclaimed.

“But why did you do it?” asked Perfunctory Pete, who didn’t really care about the answer.

The answer was obvious. The villain said, “I was sick of living in a city sponsored by a website! What kind of person does something just so he can get a few bucks from Answers.com?”

July 5th, 2007 Posted by Nathan Weinberg | Search Optimization, Blogs, Humor, Advertising, General | 6 comments